I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
