There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
