I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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