Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
