My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
