my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
