I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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