I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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