Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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