If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
