You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Randomize
