in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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