I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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