Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so let's talk penis.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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