I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
