I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
