right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
