2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
