So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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