shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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