I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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