We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
