Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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