i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
