She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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