Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I am mentally ready for anal.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
