If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
