My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
