That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
