I can text with my tongue
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
