I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
