Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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