we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
