I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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