You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
