Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
