I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
