R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
