She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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