it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
