Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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