Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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