hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
