Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
