Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
