I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
