I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
