You're so nebulous sometimes
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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