So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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