Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
