I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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