btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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