gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
