Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
