I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
