I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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