god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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