The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
