I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Princesses don't give blow jobs
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
