I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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