This is not my ceiling
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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