My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
