hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
