When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
