I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize