she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
