she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
This is my gift to your gina
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
