I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
