Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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